YOUR COACHING IMPACT REACHES FARTHER THAN YOUR TEAM….

DeAngelo Wiser

www.wisersportsleadership.com

Have you ever stopped and thought about how much impact you have as a coach? I’m not talking about your players, think about all the others. We forget that people look at us in a different light. From the enthusiastic elementary school player, parents, teachers, business owners, church crowd, checkout clerk and yes even that player that didn’t have the skill to make your team. They all know who you are and hold you in high esteem, until you give them a reason to look at you differently.  It’s at that moment you have the opportunity to do something special, whether it’s helping someone with their groceries, asking about their family, encouraging them to keep playing and one day they’ll grow up to be a star, or in the case below to look someone in the eye and change their life.

Before I entertained the idea of coaching I was a player just like so many of you.  I played my first two years at a small college, and it was a comfortable setting, but it was time to continue my education at a larger school. The school I chose was a strong NAIA school with outstanding sports programs. I was familiar with their team having competed against their freshman team, and the fever was still there to play so I ended up trying out for the team. It was clear that I didn’t have the skill level to compete, but I wouldn’t go away and kept working hard and counting players. There were two of us left and I liked my chances. Finally during the preseason coach called me into his office. In the most heartfelt manner, he let me know that there just wasn’t room for me on the team. He spent fifteen minutes highlighting all the attributes I had shown that would make me a success in any career I chose. As I left I wanted to cry, but couldn’t because of all the great things he had said. Ironically, twenty years later I would end up coaching, and pattern that same style of talking with players that didn't make our team after this wonderful man.  I am still so appreciative for the gift he gave me.

Remember it only takes a few minutes from your schedule to meet with each player, and who knows, you may change a life.


I wish you and your team the best!

“DIDN’T I JUST ASK THEM TO……………?”

       DeAngelo Wiser

Interesting how you can sense early on, even before an obvious incident, a player or players who doubt the direction you need them to go. It could be at a meeting, practice or in a game. Have you ever thought, “Wow! What are they doing? Didn’t I just ask them to ………..?” It can be frustrating.

Remember that winning your players is a daily task. What you did yesterday was great, but today is a new day to be tested. The respect earned can disappear in a moment with your actions or words when a player decides to do something other than what you’ve asked in a game or practice.

As a youth player it can be a form of rebellion in an effort to show a coach what they know. At that stage it’s often nothing more than being overzealous about their ability. In those cases an incident usually shows them that what you’ve asked is the better solution. But with older players it can be conflicting directives from what another coach has taught them, or someone with more influence has recommended. Should you be concerned? What can you do?

Questions you may want to consider:

•    Is this an isolated incident or an ongoing issue?

•    Does the player see or fully understand what they’re doing?

•    Is what you’re asking critical to the team’s success?

•    What if you let this go unchecked?

•    Is it about your ego and showing you’re in charge?

•    Is their way a better alternative? Are they right?

•    Should you talk with the player? When?

•    What impact will it have on the other players?

•    What is the accountability?

While you may initially see it as only a conflict between you and a player, it can have a far-reaching impact. Teammates see what’s going on, and, if left unattended, it can grow into a monster you hadn’t planned on. Players may take sides on the issue with a few leaning away from your leadership.

 
Team’s who’ve developed vocal leaders and a strong team culture with definite boundaries of responsibility and respect will usually take care of this issue within the team. That’s why it’s essential to begin today to build that culture. However, teams that only rely on the coach’s leadership will shift all the pressure to you to make a decision. While that’s okay, just know it’s an issue that requires your full attention.

Players may say when asked that they abhor this behavior from one of their teammates but are unwilling to confront or talk with the player, that it’s not their job.

Meeting with the player is imperative.

•    Meet with the player with an assistant coach present.

•    Explain the situation as you see it, then be quiet and allow them to respond.

•    Lay out the rationale behind what you’re asking them to do.

•    Paint a picture of how their actions impact the team.

•    Remind them of the expectations for every member of the team.

•    Ask what they’re trying to accomplish.

•    Let them know how much you believe in them.

•    Explain the accountability for every player and their actions.

     •    Let them know you can’t play them if they can’t follow what’s best for the team.

•    Ask if they have anything else that needs to be said.

     •    Give them time to think about what has been discussed and plan another meeting within the 

            next week.

Your strongest leadership is required in these situations. Players left free to roam on and off the field doing anything they wish will destroy your team. 

In some cases these players can be your highest skilled athletes. In their mind they are the only one who can beat a defender, score a goal, pass the ball or cross the ball perfectly. Their ability drives them to do too much, not trust their teammates and eventually they become frustrated. What they don’t see is how impossible it is to beat a team single handedly.

There are some subtle things you can do to help. Blend abilities in practice. Match up some less-skilled with higher-skilled in a few situational activities. Expecting them to play flawlessly together in a game when they never work together in practice may be too much to ask. Build some trust among all your players. You’ll find that some more-skilled players are willing to help the less-skilled players, and why shouldn’t they? It helps everyone. Maybe when a player sees that their teammates are trying as hard as they are it will give them a new understanding, tolerance level and outlook.

Take the time to talk to your team about situations such as when a player makes a bad pass. It’s usually the player on the receiving end that becomes infuriated, and are now mentally out of the game. How can that be avoided and what can the player do? Screaming and becoming upset helps no one. The play is over. Ask your players how it could best be dealt with. If not mentioned, recommend statements such as, “I’ve seen you make that pass. I know you can do it. We’ll get it next time.” Highlight that all teammates are trying their best and some encouragement can go a long way.

If it’s clearly an outside influence issue, you may be inclined to address it in a way that diminishes the credibility of another coach, mentor or relative, but that serves no purpose. Making light, in a less than flattering way, of someone who played a key role in your player’s life isn’t needed, and will never change their view of that person. Just work on what you can control and be the coach your player believes in more than anyone else. It will take time, and may never be perfect, but it will be worth the effort. If outside influences become overwhelming, set up a meeting with that person and explain how it’s impacting the team. Make sure your Athletic Director is aware of the situation and is present at the meeting.

This isn’t about inhibiting a creative player’s ability and decision making, it’s about building a team with a strong team culture that takes care of its own issues and understands it takes every player doing their job to be successful on and off the field. Our job is to paint that picture every day to everyone we meet.

I wish you and your team the best.

COACH, WHY ISN’T MY CHILD PLAYING?

DeAngelo Wiser

Have you ever been caught off guard by a parent questioning your ability or skill to coach? Odds are at some point in your career, to some degree, it will happen. It may be subtle hints or even an angry conversation.

How will you react? Defensively? Angrily? Surprised?  All are natural reactions to someone ultimately attacking your character and or ability. At least that’s the way you may see it. Is there another view?

Playing time and awards are the number one challenges you’ll face with parents. “Why isn’t my child playing or playing more?” and “How could my child not have been the MVP or been omitted from that all tournament team?” will always be questions you may have to deal with.

As a coach you may be surprised when it’s after a big win or after a season when your team was very successful. Keep in mind it’s a challenge that is blind to winning or losing. Your team could be 20-0 or 0-20 when this situation presents itself.

For those of you who’ve experienced a confrontation of this nature, when all the dust settled and you had time to think about the situation, were you in the wrong? Did you make a bad decision? Did it have a more far-reaching impact than you intended? Were you hoping it would go away on its own? Should you have addressed it, but didn’t?

Initially it’s tough to absorb, especially when you pour your heart and soul into your team day after day. How could anyone think that you weren’t capable of or dealing conscientiously with the challenges of coaching?

The first step is to see it from their perspective. Not from a “I’ll prove you wrong” attitude, but from a “Let me replay and think about the situation” and what really happened.

Many coaches refuse to talk about playing time with parents and have guidelines that state the same. Will that deter a parent who sits with other parents of players who play the entire game and cheer their kids on? Doubtful. 

As a game progresses they become more and more upset, and often will seek you out after the game. Initially you may want to be brutally honest concerning the ability of their son or daughter highlighting all the skills they’re lacking or their sub-par athleticism. But, of course, that is not the right approach. Parents will always see their sons or daughters in a positive light and think they are the best player on your team. Nothing you say in a negative way will ever change that. While you may want to win this battle it isn’t necessary. Stay composed and positive, focus on the attributes this player has and why you kept them on the team.

Should there be ground rules for meetings concerning these situations?

Develop your own expectations for meeting with parents.

1.     24 hour “cooling off” rule for meeting

2.     Call for an appointment, no email or social media.

3.     No mention of any other players at the meeting.

4.     Meetings will include Athletic Director

5.      

6.      

7.      

8.      

Explain and hand these out to all parents at the first meeting before the season begins. Let them know your philosophy with respect to starting, playing time, practicing, awards, etc. It won’t make you immune to a confrontation, but it will help knowing you did it.

In the end your best course of action will be to simply listen to everything the parent has to say. Refrain from countering every point they make and wait until they finish before you speak. You’ll have time at the end to state your points. Listening will give you great insight to their perspective, and ultimately let them get rid of what’s bothering them so much. They may even say as one of my parents said, “We know Billy isn’t the best player in the world, but if you could just find a way to get him in a game or two we would be thankful.” 

 Always keep in mind a child is the most important piece of a parent’s life.

I wish you and your team the best!

BUILDING TRUST, ONE PLAYER AT A TIME

    DeAngelo Wiser

Have you encountered a player or players you couldn’t reach over the course of a season? They always looked at you skeptically with locked out body language when you addressed the team, and didn’t appear to trust you or anyone else. Where does that originate? Is it essential that it should change? At that point is their attitude detrimental to the team?

We all understand that attitudes are shaped and based on life experiences, either through our family or situations with others. Often those experiences aren’t very pleasant and thus a mistrustful attitude is born. Plus, many parents teach their children to be skeptical of everyone they meet as a safeguard. I think you’d agree that’s a good approach in today’s society. The question is, should it last a lifetime with everyone our player meets? Can it be changed or altered if necessary?

Should we always be obsessed with changing the attitudes of our players to our way of thinking? I think not.

Give thought to your personality and level of trust. Can it be a benefit to have players with the opposite perspective? Without a doubt! Just by disagreeing they cause us to often rethink the activity, strategy and ways to get through to our players. The key is teaching our players not to necessarily change their attitude, but to deal with situations in a respectful and “let’s see manner.”

What is a “let’s see manner?”  Its players waiting to see how something plays out, the benefit it may have for them and that maybe it might just be a good thing. All we’re doing is asking them to change the lens they look through and be a little more flexible. Every time they are, it builds trust and over the course of time shifts the outlook from, “I hate doing this,” to “Wow! This isn’t bad,” and “I had no idea this would help me and the team so much.”

Attitudes, unlike skills, can take a long time to adjust, and very often you may never see it. Doesn’t mean you stop trying. Takes a lot of patience, and at times tolerance, to work through the lessons of a tolerant and accepting attitude. How can you get started?

        Meet with the player(s). Let them know you sense some skepticism. Ask for   

       their feedback and see if they will share where it originates.

       Let them know what kind of coach you are, and what you expect from every 
       player.

       Ask how they think attitude and outlook impacts a player and the team.

       Share your ideas on how players should address areas they don’t agree with.

       Ask their thoughts.

       Explain that your door is always open should they want to discuss anything.

       Avoid giving this player very special treatment because you feel especially bad

       for past experiences in their life.

       Be consistent with your words and actions. All players must be held

       accountable in practice and games. These individuals are especially sensitive to

       inconsistency or favoritism.

       Remember to call on them, as well as other players, from time to time with

       thoughts about what they accomplished in practice to end the day.

       Pair them up, or put them in a strong leadership group that can help with any

       issues they may be having.

We often shy away from allowing this type of player an opportunity to speak in front of the team, unsure of what they might say. How about calling on them and showing we have confidence and value their opinion as much as anyone on the team.

You may want to put them in a leadership role (as well as other players) for a day to see what it’s like. They may gain an appreciation for what you do, and see firsthand that it’s not easy taking care of so many players and viewpoints.

      Another reason behind the skeptical attitude may be boredom. They may not see     
     the justification or reasoning for many repetitions of a particular skill or play.   
     Explaining the “why” and how it will help them and the team may be all they need.

Just because they’re skeptical in the beginning doesn’t mean they need to be their whole career. Keep working to break down that barrier, it will be worth it.

      I wish you and your team the best.